Chapter One
Summer
I check my reflection one more time in the visor mirror to make sure all the traces of tears are gone from my face. I’m parked in my little Toyota outside of Liquid Courage, the only bar in Courage County.
It’s my brother’s birthday party and the last thing I want to do is share the news I got from the genetic counselor today. The same disease that claimed our mom is in my genetic makeup. Although I’m not sick, it would break his heart to know that it’s even a possibility. Jack practically raised me after she died.
Hurrying into the bar, I spot Jack in the corner playing darts. He’s playing against his best friend, Cash Taylor.
I watch in fascination as Cash’s gaze fixates on the board. His eyes are a chestnut brown that light up when he’s amused by something or when he’s making a bet with my brother like he is right now, judging by the smirk on his full lips.
Cash draws his arm back, the dart between his lean fingers. Fingers that are calloused from hours spent working on his family’s ranch. The sleeves of his t-shirt ride high, exposing thick bicep muscles that bulge.
“Don’t screw up!” I shout in his ear as he lets the dart go. No matter how bad my day has been, seeing Cash always makes it better somehow.
It still lands in the center board with perfect precision and he turns to give me a grin, showing off that one crooked tooth I love so much. “You still can’t touch the champion.”
And how I’ve wanted to.
Since I was sixteen years old, Cash has been my favorite fantasy. But it’s destined to stay just a fantasy because he’s my older brother’s best friend and to a man like Cash, loyalty is everything.
“You ran late again, squirt.” Jack bumps my shoulder with his and passes me several darts.
“It’s still early. You’re just getting to be old men,” I tease as I square my shoulders and eye the board. After the news I got, this is exactly what I needed. Time with my favorite people in the world.
Just as I take aim and release the dart, they turn on either side of me to scream in my ears. “Defeat!”
My dart never even makes it to my target. It embeds in the wall above the board and they both break into laughter.
“Assholes!” I shout at them even though there’s an undercurrent of amusement in my voice that I can’t hide. No matter how old I get, I’ll always be the little eight-year-old girl trailing behind a couple of teenage boys going fishing.
“You’re supposed to actually hit the board,” Jack says and glances at Cash. “You want to show her how it’s done while I get some more beers?”
“Do you need a lesson?” Cash says as soon as Jack is gone. His voice always drops to a deeper note when he’s standing beside me. The heat coming from his skin warms me and I catch a whiff of the tangy notes in his shower gel.
“What could you possibly teach me, senior citizen?” He’s only eight years older than me, but I love teasing him about his age. Actually, I love teasing Cash about anything and everything because he’ll tease me right back.
“Youth like you are the problem with this great country. You don’t appreciate the wisdom that comes with age,” he taunts.
He takes my hand in his and wraps my fingers around the dart. It’s an innocent touch, a platonic one in a crowded bar where I know almost every other patron. But the gesture still feels incredibly intimate as electricity dances through my veins. It’s been that way since I was sixteen. Not that he’s ever noticed.
“Feet apart, cub.” From behind me, he nudges my sneaker-clad feet apart with the toe of his big brown boot.
He’s been calling me that for so long that I don’t even remember when it started. Still, I can’t deny there’s something I like about the nickname. Maybe because he’s the only one that’s ever called me it.
He leans forward to gauge how far we are from the board and his neatly trimmed beard grazes my cheek. For a moment I wonder what it would be like to feel his scruff in other places of my body. Like between my thighs.
“Head up.” He puts a hand under my chin, and I turn to look at him. For a moment, I’m lost in that deep brown gaze of his. The one that makes me lose my breath every time I see it.
He frowns and quickly drops his fingers from underneath my chin. “Stay focused.”
I’m not sure which one of us he’s talking to and suddenly, it feels thirty degrees warmer in here. I’ve always worked hard to keep my crush from Cash a secret. I’d be mortified if he ever found out.
He lifts my arm with a gentle touch and swings it back. Then he leans in so close that his breath fans the side of my face. “Just let go.”
I do, wishing that I could in more ways than one. Wishing I could let go around Cash just once and see his reaction. Would he want me back?
The dart doesn’t hit the center, but I do manage the outer circle just as Jack returns with the beers. He lets out a laugh. “Not bad, squirt.”
We settle at a table in the back of the bar and spend the night drinking our beers and talking about old memories. I sip slowly, never having gotten used to the taste of the stuff.
The more they talk, the sadder I feel as I remember the elderly doctor’s words from earlier tonight. He repeated that there are no guarantees in medicine and there’s no way to know if I’ll share my mother’s fate.
But I asked him what he’d tell his daughter to do.
His gaze was filled with compassion when he said, “If my daughter were in your shoes and wanting a family, I’d tell her to get pregnant, have a baby and get a hysterectomy. Probably within the space of a year.”
But I don’t have a boyfriend and there’s not even a hint of a prospect on the horizon. Even if there were, I only have a few months to get knocked up, which means there’s not time to get to know someone. That doesn’t leave me with a lot of options.
I’d never thought that at twenty-four, these would be the things I would be thinking about. Now here I am, drinking beer and wondering if I’ll be able to get pregnant in time to have a baby before I need to get my uterus removed.
Cash must notice that I’m quieter than usual because he tries to draw me back into the conversation several times. But it’s hard to concentrate when all I can think about is my news from today.
Since I don’t want to ruin my brother’s birthday, I finally tell him that I’m tired and I have an early morning tomorrow. It’s not true, and I feel a twinge of guilt for lying to him.
Once I’m finally in the bar’s parking lot, I breathe a sigh of relief that I’m away from the droning country music and smoke-filled atmosphere.
The gravel crunches behind me.
I turn, seeing Cash illuminated underneath the parking lot lights. “Are you following me?”
“I just want to make sure you get home safely, cub.” He shoves his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans, pulling the material tighter across his muscular thighs.
The gesture is a sure sign he wants to talk, but I’m not in the mood to share. If I do, I’ll break down, and I don’t want to fall apart in front of the one person whose opinion I care most about in the world.
I open my car door and turn to him. Faking a yawn, I say, “I’m tired, Cash.”
He steps closer, studying my face. Everywhere his gaze lands feels like a gentle caress. “You might be able to fool Jack with that pretty little smile. But you can’t fool me. What’s got you twisted up?”
I force myself to give him a too bright smile and say, “I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
He doesn’t look as if he believes me, but I get into my car before he can argue. I give him a little wave as I leave Liquid Courage.
If I could lean on anyone during this, it would be Cash. But I’m not a teenage girl who runs to him for every little thing anymore. I’m a grown woman who has to figure this out on her own.