Chapter One
Derek
I shouldn’t open the envelope today, but I still tear it with shaking hands. The included letter flutters to the floor, but I ignore it. The only thing I care about is the picture inside. A little five-year-old smiling up at me with the world’s chubbiest cheeks and cutest grin. The sight nearly brings me to my knees, just like it always does.
“Are you ready to go?” Journey’s cheerful voice echoes through the house. My sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner is tonight. This afternoon, we’re traveling to the Forever After Lodge located in Sweetheart, North Carolina. In the morning, she’ll marry my best friend.
Quickly, I shove the picture back into my pocket. I moved into my own apartment, but my mail still comes here.
I moved the day after I realized Journey and Cam were together. They need their space, especially now that there’s a baby on the way. It’s early in her pregnancy. She’s not even showing yet, but I still want to keep her stress minimized.
I paste a smile on my face and stow away the grief for the life I could have had. “Yeah, let’s roll out.”
The trip to the lodge only takes a couple of hours and Journey keeps up a steady stream of chatter. She hasn’t been in my life long. We only found each other again a few weeks ago and sometimes, I think all of her words are her attempt to cram what should have been two decades together into a single conversation. But I’d never fuss at her for it.
The truth is, I’ve been looking for my sister for years and when she finally found me, all I felt is grateful.
I’ll never have a family of my own. But I’ve managed to make a good life for myself. I’m the lieutenant at Courage County Fire and Rescue where I work with Cam and Lincoln, two men I consider my brothers. Then there’s Journey, the sister I didn’t think I’d find again.
There’s a lot to be thankful for. I try to remind myself of that as the image of the little boy from the photo floats into my head. Is he happy now? Is his father teaching him to play baseball? Is he learning his numbers and colors? Has he started his schooling yet?
The chasm of grief opens up, threatening to overwhelm me. I have to push against it, remind myself that this is a good day for my little sister. Even if it takes everything I have, I will show up and be happy for her.
We arrive at the lodge, and she’s quickly swallowed up by the festivities and my best friend. The whole town is here, eager to celebrate with Cam and welcome my new sister. That’s one of the things I love about Courage. We’re all family.
I didn’t think I would survive the judge’s final decision two years ago. After it, Cam insisted that I move to his hometown with him. He said they’d have a position for me at the fire station and he even welcomed me into his home.
As the smell of BBQ hangs heavy in the air, I grab an ice-cold beer from the cooler and move around the back of the lodge. I’m stopped a couple of times by well-meaning townspeople. Sometimes to air safety concerns that I promise to handle as soon as possible. Other times, simply to thank me for doing my job well. I’m proud of the work I do here and I’m grateful for a town that embraced me at my darkest. But right now, I desperately need to be alone.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I finally manage to thread my way through the crowd. I keep walking further and further from the rustic lodge, only stopping when I come to a river. It bubbles and gurgles, offering me the peace I’m so desperately seeking today.
I settle on one of the nearby boulders and watch the swirling water. I sip my beer slowly and let the sounds ease the tension from my shoulders. I’d say a prayer, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to say one in years.
“So, this is where you ran off too,” a lyrical voice calls out.
I close my eyes as Wynter speaks, listening to the breathy tone that fuels my dirty fantasies.
She’s a rookie firefighter. I’m the one that fought to get her added to the crew. The chief didn’t want a woman on board. He insisted it would make the whole team weaker. I insisted she would make it stronger, and I was right. We’re one of the top performing stations in North Carolina. But the whole thing chapped his ass and now he chews me out every chance he gets.
It’s worth it though when I get to see her smiling face every day. Get to imagine that one day those curves will belong to me. They never will. She never will. I’m too broken for that.
“Don’t you have other people to annoy?” I grind out when she takes a seat on the boulder next to me. Just because I think she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen doesn’t mean I can show it.
I’m her boss and I know exactly what would happen if I were to date her. My career would survive the impact. Hers wouldn’t, and she’s already worked so hard to get where she is.
Like many women in male-dominated fields, she works twice as hard as her male colleagues. It’s fuckin’ wrong and it pisses me off. But I also know that I can’t afford to do anything that would be considered showing favoritism. That will undermine her years of hard work and sacrifice. No, staying detached and pretending I don’t even like her is the best course of action.
Hurt flickers across her expression before she quickly hides it with one of her bright smiles. She smooths down the end of the pretty sundress she’s wearing. It’s black with white polka dots, reminding me of something a fifties housewife might wear. The thought of coming home together after a long shift and watching her change into a pretty dress makes my chest feel tight.
She takes a small sip of her beer. “Nope, no one else to annoy. You’re the winner of my attention today.”
“Lucky me,” I mutter in a tone laced with sarcasm. Sarcasm works around Wynter. She doesn’t understand it much. I get the feeling she was raised in a sheltered environment though she’s never told me anything about her past. Not that I haven’t been curious. I’ve scoured her personnel file on more than one night, greedily looking for new details about her that I can hoard.
We’re quiet for a long time, the only sound the river bubbling between us. Sitting with her in silence is the best time I’ve had in weeks. Her quiet company soothes my fractured heart. Finally, she says in a soft tone, “They say a trouble shared is a trouble halved, boss.”
She always calls me boss. Never my name. It’s another reminder that this is inappropriate. A boss shouldn’t wonder what color the rookie’s panties are or jack off in the shower before he comes to work because it’s the only way he’ll be able to concentrate. “They also say to sweep in front of your own door.”
If having her wouldn’t mean ending her career, maybe things would be different. But the world is still a sexist place, and the chief won’t hesitate to get rid of her if he believes her conduct to be unbecoming. It’s right there in the paperwork we sign when the town hires us.
Yeah, she could get hired somewhere else. But the fire world is a tight-knit family. We all know each other which means she’d never again be given a fair shot anywhere she went. It would always be assumed that she slept her way to the top and that’s not something I want for her.
“Then I guess I’ll go see if Journey needs anything.” She stands and dusts off the back of her dress. It’s such a rare thing to see her in a dress and I greedily drink in the sight of all that exposed creamy skin.
She dresses to fit in with the boys most of the time, trying not to call attention to herself. No matter how covered up she is, those curvy hips still make my mouth water and those thighs have given me dozens of fantasies.
I don’t even acknowledge her words. I keep staring out at the river. Like the asshole I am.
It’s better this way. But as I listen to the sound of her retreating footsteps, I can’t help but wonder if that’s true.